Life through my eyes

if happiness was everything....!

2010-08-26T12:18:00.000-07:00

I always used to feel that life is all about being happy..if one can get happiness and satisfaction then there is nothing in life that needs to be achieved..if one is happy and satisfied with a low profile job , then it is as good as a person having a very high profile life..I felt, that being happy is the most important thing..felt being happy is what life is all about..
It was only after going through a phase of life where I felt different..Where I realized that maybe there is more to life..maybe life is just not about being happy, not just about enjoying and having fun..
If we try to see through our own life, we generally go out with friends to enjoy..to have fun..to be happy..well if try to observe closely, and try to see, we do this because we can’t be alone..because we hate to be alone..why ? ..cause people find it boring..
What i feel is that people become so obsessed with this feeling of ‘enjoying’ that they go to any limits to be together..they gain sympathy..their behaviour becomes attention seeking, so that they can feel secure..so that they are in a group where they are enjoying and happy..
True, you might be happy..true..you might be enjoying..but there is something called as morals and values..which for me are way ahead important than being happy....for me, being happy by troubling somebody else is a sin..if you want happiness, and you are not strong enough to think beyond yourself, you don’t deserve to be happy..there is much more to life than ‘yourself’..and keeping ‘yourself’ happy is not what life is all about..
I am not propagating an idea of being unhappy..i am not saying that one should not try to be happy..but all i say is that one should not break basic human ethics to reach happiness..happiness in such a case is temporary..and once you break morals, they will hunt you down your entire life until you leave them..
Happiness is not everything...!

ALONENESS AND GODLINESS

2010-07-01T09:01:00.000-07:00

We all need friends, friends forever, friends for life, ultimate friends and friends on whom we can always count upon. We all give importance to these relationships, we live for them, we die for them, we make them, we break them. In simple words, our lives revolve around them.
Yes, friends are important, these relationships are important. People write a lot about them, give them different names, give their opinions etc. I will not say anything about them, because according to me there exists a much more important relationship, i.e. the relationship with yourself. This is one relationship which lasts the longest, from birth to death, and it is maybe the most determining relationship in one’s life. You are the only person who remains with you for all time. You are the one who is aware of everything going on with you, you are the one aware of your thoughts, you are the one aware of your strengths and you are the one aware of your weaknesses and faults.
When you go out for a walk alone, when you are alone in your room, when you are with nobody, in simple words when you are alone, you are true to yourself. You are honest. That is the time when you can actually take things at the face value, as they are, as they should be taken. When you are with friends you do tend to share out things in a little unreal way. There is a certain amount of cooking that comes up while sharing. Even if you were very very true, then also the person might perceive things in a different way. I am not in an opinion of not sharing things out, I am not in an opinion of not making friends, but I am in opinion of first facing the things alone, and then turning for help. It is our general tendency to look for help, to seek help, to demand help. This is not wrong, but maybe not the best. When you actually look things in a very true way, when you actually see them in an absolutely straight way, then you can actually accept and come up with a simple solution. This can be done by looking things as they are, you always know what has happened, you can mostly tell that this is the right thing, you can mostly say where the things went wrong, but for this you have to be alone. A state in which there is nobody, but you. A state where you don’t miss somebody, a state of less thoughts, a state of aloneness and loneliness.

Yes, true, friends are important, but not more than you yourself. We loose ourselves to them, become dependent on them, get addicted to them, just go to them for all things in life, and there is where the attachment starts. Love is good, but attachment is not. Care is good, but expectation is not. And it comes when you start to count too much on others, when you think only about some particular people in your life. There is where lies the cause of sadness and doom.

Friends are very important when you things are not in your hands, but if you see the things truly, many of the things could have been solved simply. Yes, friends are important for sharing out things, friends are important as they give you very nice company, but still, you can share most truly with yourself, you can accompany yourself the most.
I find God in aloneness. It is a state of less conflict, less thoughts, less emotions and more work. You are more loving when you are alone, because love comes when you are at peace, care comes when peace overflows from you. When you are together, you are more restless, you are more conflicted. You get attached. And there is pain there is attachment.
Everyone of us wants to be with someone, with some group or get associated with something. Yes, you need these things, but what we do is that we always forget the most important relationship in life when we come in touch with these things. You can be your best friend, your best companion. You can always wipe your tears, you can always be with you, you can always make yourself smile, you can support yourself and you can find out a solution for the problem. Perhaps these are the traits which we look in our friends, but you have them all yourself. Again friends are necessary, but sometimes because of these relationships, we overlook the purest and the simplest relationship, relationship with ourselves, or in my words an honest relationship.

Aansu, shanti aur main..!

2010-06-15T02:35:00.000-07:00

Kuchh pal bas aise aate hain..jahaan apne apko shaant pata hun..bilkul seedhe saadhe vichaar hote hain..duniya ki banavatipan, duniya ki bhag daur se door, bahut saral vichaar hote hain..man shaant hota hai..bas sacha aur seedha hota hun..

Kam aashayein, kam chaahatein aur bas zindagi ko jaise aye waise sweekar kar lena..bas lagta hai jo kuchh hai..jaisa hai..theek hai..na bahut achha..na bahut kharab...kabhi kabhi lagta hai ki bas zindagi bas chalti rahe..

Log humare hisaab to badal sakte nahin..naa hi paristhitiyaan..phir aisa kya hua jisse zindagi mein itna badlaav aa jaata hai? Phir zindagi aise kaise do teen hafton mein itni badal jaati hai jaise mahine purani baatein saalon pehle ki lagti hain ?...

Ajkal dheere dheere sochta hun..har kaam mein ek shaanti aur sampoornta lagti hai..lagta hai jaise bas is samay kaam karna hai..woh kar deta hun..befzool soch kar pareshan nahin hota..man mein kam matbhed, kam bechaini aur kam vichaar..jo hai..jaisa hai..waisa hi rahe..jo ho rah hai, chahe jaisa bhi lage, use bas hone do..samay to aakhir ek jaisa rehta nahin..to zaahir hai bahari khushiyan, dukh bhi ek jaise rahenge nahin..naa hi aas paas ke log, na hi paristhitiyaan..in sab mein badlaav aa raha hai, to wo to ayega hi...main to koi nahin hota in cheezon ko rokne waala..jo hai..theek hai..

Aaj se kuchh mahine pehle apne aapko dekhta hun shayad to yehi ek chhota sa badlaav hai..pehle main sochta tha aisa kyun ho raha hai ..kisliye ho raha hai..wagarah wagarah..par aaj shayad nazariye mein farak hai..cheezein wahin, parasthitiyaan wahi..par phir bhi sab kuchh naya hai..sab kuchh alag..

Aisa nahin hai ki aansu nahin ate aise waqt mein..aate hain..aur shaayad aate rahenge..par shayad aansu bechaini se nahin..ek tadpan se nahin..ek shaant man se aate hain..ye aansu sweekaar karte hue ate hain ki shayad cheezein utni achhi nahin..par man mein ek saral sa vichaar rehta hai..’ye samay bhj nikal jaayega’...duniya mein shayad kuchh bhi sthaai nahin hai..sab badalta hai..samay,log,paristhitiyaan aur hum..aur in chizon mein khushi dhoondna, in chizon mein apne pareshaniyon, khushiyon ko dhoondna hi galat hai..jab ye cheezein badlengi, toh humari khushiya, pareshaniyaan sab badlengi..aaj agar khush aur shaant hun toh isliye ki man ko shaant kara hai..use saaf aur seedha rakha hai..saral rakha hai..khud ko badla hai..aur shayad ek itne chhote prayaas se..kuchh bhi nahin badla..par sab kuchh badal gaya hai..!

Comments welcome..!

Escapism..!

2010-06-07T00:40:00.000-07:00

The purpose behind this point is just to make people think about their behavior, their actions and their state of mind. Ya, i know i am nobody to tell you this, but just read through this and you will realize my point of view.

We live in a world where we have to think about ourselves. Our world is surrounded with many problems, difficulties, struggles and various kind of pressures. With this kind of environment, our mind is full of all the 'me stuff'..'meri padai, mere dost, mera kaam, mera ghar, mera carrier etc... ' ..you MIND IS LONELY..fed up of this LONELINESS..and when this happens, without letting you know, it tries to run away from this... And perhaps because of this we are in a HABIT OF ESCAPING THINGS..!

Facebook, orkut and these social networking sites are nothing but a place where we can project our IDEAL SELF. People WRITE BIG STUFF, STUFF from which they will get ATTENTION, stuff from which THEY CAN GAIN SYMPATHY..
Haven't you noticed that when you listen something interesting, read something good, you mind naturally thinks to put his on facebook,orkut etc..Why ?? Because you all know that this will bring comments from people..and what will happen ?? you will get attention..so that you can ESCAPE, you can live in a VIRTUAL world, where people like you..listen to you..and HERE YOUR MIND FINDS PEACE..it is FINALLY IN A PLACE WHERE IT CAN BREAK ITS LONELINESS...! WHERE IT CAN ESCAPE...

Think about it..Why does your mind thinks about going to internet, thinks about the TV serials, thinks about going with friends so naturally..why are all these things so inviting ? what makes them so important in your life ? what makes them the thing to die-for ?? Its nothing but the game of mind..the behavior of mind is natural but it is wrong..

If you reflect deeply, mind gets attached to two types of things..one you like and one you dislike..and repels stuff which is boring..you read things which you find interesting twice or thrice but you coolly forget to read something which is boring..why because mind will never like to do that EVEN IF IT IS IMPORTANT..
and that is why..you go to net..your mind likes that...it likes this attention..likes this sympathy, popularity and it wants to get lost in this world..it feels bored to go back to those boring things, day to day stuff which is important..

If you really think about it, try to understand it, my blogging is also nothing but a piece of attention seeking behavior..why am i writing this blog ? if i know it, why do i want to tell other..because somewhere subconsciously my mind wants to get attention..sympathy..it wants to break free...!

Well, knowing, realizing your thoughts and facing them makes all the difference..its like the difference between using a machine and knowing how it works and then using it..and if you realize and tap this energy, that is what makes all the difference in the world..!

Know yourself, don't just read..realize this..try to sit in a room quietly, away from phone, tv, internet etc. and sit quietly..you wont be able to manage your thoughts..and that is when you realize that what is right and what is not..!

Comments welcome..!

QUEST..!

2010-03-02T11:37:00.000-08:00

Often we expect too much from life, we plan for life 10 years down the line, 20 years down the line, and if we dont get what we desire, we generally end up blaming life, blaming luck, blaming destiny and in rare cases blaming ourselves..

Atleast as far as my life is concerned, I often get irritated and frustrated whenever I find that things are not going in my way, whenever things are not going the way i want them to be..I hence, fight, fight to win, fight to achieve what i want..

With time, I definitely have realised that the more I get, the more I want, the more I expect and finally i again end up blaming something or someone..This has been going on for quiet a fair amount of time now..

Should I stop expecting, should I stop aiming, should I stop fighting is what is a natural question that occurs to me..What should I aim for ? What do I want ? or what SHOULD i want ? ..these are the questions, which if we deeply think, we all are quiet unaware of..Happiness, is ofcourse one answer, but how ?? Cause even after having immense material success, people commit suicide, peopl do this, people do that...

With time, with experience, I have realised that perhaps what all we can do is to LIVE..yes to live..and to live I mean, to live in present..Perhaps if we live this with a smile, with a positive feeling, with a feeling of helping ourselves, with a feeling of helping others, with a good feeling, perhaps the future turns that way too..yes, i know sounds very obvious, but if you deeply reflect, i dont think that you do that..who eats the food as to enjoy it ? More than 9 out of 10 times, i am in a hurry because of some work or other..

Reason , i am saying is that , somehow we have to ACCEPT that things are actually not in our hands..yes, its on us how to take it, but still there are things you can not really help..sometimes things happen where you HAVE TO change the course of your life, where YOU HAVE to do things..where you CANNOT just go away from things..in other words, you HAVE TO ACCEPT..

In my opinion, if i have to summarise in one line, think good in this present moment and leave the rest to HIM, he will take care..

Still the quest is on..
'Remembering you'...

zindagi bhi..

2010-02-11T05:16:00.000-08:00

kabhi kabhi ye zindagi bhi,
kuchh anchaha kar jaati hai..
Hum usse kitna bhi pyaar karein,
kyun hum se rooth jaati hai ?

Humesha use gale lagaya,
uske har gam mein uska saath nibhaya,
Phir kyun hume ye itna rulaati hai,
zindagi kabhi kabhi humse yuhin rooth jaati hai..

shayad hum usse bahut kuchh chahte hain,
isliye hume dukh je jaati hai ye,
shaayad kisi aur ki zindagi ki dard,
humare saath baant jaati hai ye..

Zindagi bhi kabhi kabhi,
humse rooth ke,
humare naa jaante hue bhi,
hume bahut kuchh sikha jaati hai..

Zindagi bhi kabhi kabhi..
humse yuhin rooth jaati hai..

Yehi hai raasta ?

2009-12-17T11:23:00.001-08:00

Ek sadak par jaa raha tha,
do raaste aaye,
maine ek apnaya,
laga ki shayad galat hai,
phir bhi chalta raha,
laga ki kuchh galat hai,
phir bhi chalta raha,
laga ki waapis chalun,
phir bhi chalta raha,
chalta raha,
chalta raha..
raasta aasan tha,
bahut aasan lag raha tha,
laga ki shayad thik hi hai,
jo kabhi dil ki tamanna thi wo poori hui,
laga bilkul thi hai,
ek din ruka,
peechhe dekha,
bahut door aa gaya tha,
apne se sach bola,
shayad abhi bhi dil ghabra raha tha,
yahan kuchh sahi nahin hai,
shayad rasta sahi nahin hai,
laga zyada der nahin hui hai,
wapis muda,
chala,
phir laga bahut door aa gaya hun,
phir se mudkar usi raste pe chalne laga,
phir dil dhadka,
phir muda,
phir muda,
phir dil dhadka,
phir muda,
phir muda.
phir dil dhadka,
zameen par baith gaya....
ruk gaya..
Socha..
maana..
ki galat raasta chuna tha..
dil halka hua..
thoda shaant hua...
laga ki isi raaste pe chalkar aage jo sahi raasta ayega,
udhar chale jaaunga...
Utha,
Age bada..
thoda aur aage bada..
phir do raaste aaye..
ab maine sahi chuna,
aasaan nahin..

Raasta mila,
Sach mila,
raaste pe meri yaatra jaari hai,
Kya yehi hai sahi rasta?

Light In Darkness

2009-12-12T11:36:00.001-08:00

LIGHT IN DARKNESS

I was,
Alone,
Aloof,
in dark.

Where,
I dont know,
Why,
I dont know.

Sometimes back,
there was light,
but now,
my eyes search for light.

I move,
but with caution,
I fall,
but its now natural.

I want it to end,
but how I dont know,
I want to run,
but where, I dont know.

I hate this place,
but I still have to live with it,
I know there is no light here,
But still I search for it.

Yes, there was light,
but,
I came here,
knowing that there was no light here...

Yes,
I lied,
lied,
to myself.

Yes,
I was wrong,
but now,
I am here.

I came here,
thinking that i will create light,
Aah! I was wrong,
Here lies the mistake...

I dont like this place,
But I still dont make a move,
I hate this place,
But I still search for light...

Yes yes I know,
I am not enjoying this,
But never did I harm anyone,
Yes,Light will definitely come here one day....

I kept looking for light,
Still hoping against hope,
I kept searching for it,
When my eyes gave up hope.

My eyes closed,
It looked like the end,
But when I looked inside,
It looked like the beginning...

I looked inside,
I looked inside,
I looked inside,
and i looked inside..

I found it,
Finally,
I found it,
Finally.....

It was me,
I was the one,
It was me,
I was the light...

Searched for it outside,
But it was inside,
Searched for it in others,
But it was inside..

I thought I will create it for others,
I thought I was right,
No,I knew I was wrong,
But still I told that I am right..

I know now where it is,
I know for whom it is,
Finally I know,
Where is light…

i was light,
I am light,
I will be light...
light in darkness......!!!!

DUST

2009-12-12T11:35:00.001-08:00

DUST

Amidst of dust,
I was pure,
With simple mind,simple thoughts,
I believed in being pure.

I always saw dust,
But always knew it was impure,
I never touched it,
Because i was pure..

One day i saw something in dust,
something i longed for,
But how to get it,
Since I was pure..

I picked it,
thinking that dust will be removed in sometime,
but then i fell into dust,
i became impure..

I knew my mistake,
but now I was impure,
I tried to stand again,
because now i wanted to be pure..

i cried,
cried again,
but couldnt stand,
i fell again and again..

Amidst of dust,
I was in dust,
With tears in eyes,
i now longed to be pure..

I was mistaken,
yes, I know,
I never tried to stand,
leaving that thing behind..

Today, I left it,
to where it belonged,
And i tried to stand,
yet again I was pure...

Am i the same?
the same I was once back,
With no dust, simple thoughts,simple mind,
because now i am pure..

No,i am not the same,
now i donot want that thing,
now i cannot see it,
because NOW i am pure..

yes pure i was..
but purer i am..
with simple thoughts,simple mind,
now i will always be pure...

Nam aankhein

2009-09-09T10:01:00.000-07:00

Barfeeli hawa..tez baarish...raat ka waqt..ek soonsaan si jagah..bas ped paudhe ghaans aur in sab ke beech akela baitha hua..main..

Baitha hua tha apne sir ko apne ghutnon pe rakhe hue..baarish ki is awaaz mein mere rone ki awaaz nahin aa rahi thi..baarish ke in boondon mein mere aansun dikh nahin rahe the..main udaas tha..

Bahut chhoti si umar se humesha jo chaha hai paaya hai..jis chiz ke baare mein socha hai bas use paa ke hi maana hai..kabhi kisi chij ke saamne jhuka nahin hun..par aaj jab chizein bilkul bhi waisi nahin hai jaisi chahta hun..toh ye aansu rok nahin paaya..dil se kisi chij ke liye kuchh karo aur uske baas woh chiz bas tum se mooh mod le toh shayad in aansuon ki bhi koi galti nahin hai..aaj toota hua mehsoon kar raha tha..haara hua..aisa nahin hai pehle kabhi gira nahin hun..humesha utha hun..aur uske baad bhi poori koshish kari hai..par jab zindagi ke sur isi tez
baarish ki tarah shor jaise lagein toh kuchh achha nahin lagta..

Inhi khayalon ke beech baithe hue main rota raha..bheegta raha..thand mein ,sehma hua, dara hua...man kar raha tha ki koi aaye,gale lagaye..mujhe bole ki sab kuchh thik hoga..sab achha hoga...par shayad is baar chot kuchh zyada gehri thi..

Waqt guzra..aansu thame..kabhi phir bade kabhi phir thame..baarish bhi meri aansuon ki tarah thodi halki hui..hawa thodi kam thandi hui..shayad waqt ke saath, isi mausam ki tarah aansu khud hi tham jaate hain..dard khud hi kam ho jaata hai..man udaas tha...gala bhi rondha hua tha..par ab aansu nahin tha..main apne aap ko samajha raha tha..Main janta tha ki mujhe inhi chizon ke saath hi rehna hia..main inse bhaag nahin sakta..aur shayaad isi umeed se ki kisi din isi hawa,isi baarish mein main muskura raha hunga,meri aankehin nam hui,main utha aur baarish mein bheegte bheegte wapips gaya usi duniya mein jahan mujhe rehna hai..

Hum hain rahi pyaar ke

2009-08-24T04:54:00.000-07:00

(Throughout this post I will write my experiences,this is not at all anything that is applicable to all of you..Everyone might have different opinions..I am just one of you who is sharing his thoughts.. )

Love, friendships and relationships become BIG for people of my 'age' -'teenage'..Often the teenagers are attracted towards someone 'special' and most of us end up fallng in love with this 'attraction'..The feeling of being in 'love' is immensly satisfying..First love, first crush, first relationship is something we all cherish, something we are excited about when we take the first step towards them..

Well nothing is wrong in loving someone else..Nothing is wrong in feeling good about others..But as teenagers, in my opinion we do give these feelings a lot more importance than they are worth..In my opinion we give importance to this 'feeling' rather than the person for whom it is meant..In simple words we are in love much more with 'feeling of being is love' rather the person..No doubt their ought to be some amount of likeness that you have for that person,some amount of love you have for him/her, but most of us mistake that intial attraction, that initial feeling of likeness as the ultimate love..As love which is the true love..

When we enter relationships most of us end up loosing our own-self just to impress others..We give importance to relationship much more than our morals, more than our beliefs..We are ready to even compromise on our beliefs, on our thoughts if we know that this will help the bond to become stronger..In simple words, we just go with the flow of teenage love..Other than this, there comes large amount of expectations when you love someone..Your love becomes possesive..You want him/her to be YOURS and ONLY YOURS..You dont like seeing him/her with others..You want him/her by your side, always..Rather that loving, you start 'demanding' that person..

With time may of these relatinships break because of misunderstanding..Some go sour and keep on reviving every now and then..Some do gain a lot of maturity as the faith and love increases with every moment passing..

Having given opinion about what i have experienced, seen and felt..I would like to add that this experience is definitely an experience of a lifetime..In these teenage relationships you do things that you will actually not even imagine in your dreams..You will do everything to have that person on your side..You wont compromise on anything..You become a child, a parent, a lover, a teenager and everything..You become cute, innocent but you are still possesive and protective..

Many a times i feel that many of the problems occur because our habit of taking things too seriously, our possesiveness and expectations in a relationship ..But as humans we are bound to make mistakes..We are bound to have these things within us..But as humans also we can try to realise our mistake and try to minimise them..

So,in simple short form..If you have ever been in a relationship and have seen it ending in a BAD way..In a way you would not have liked it to..The only reason is that it had to happen and it happened for the good..The relationship did give you a lot of reasons to smile amd laugh, and you can always remember it was something good rather than something to cry over..

So all my buddies out there who have seen a bad side of relationship, if the relationship gave you hours of cries then it did also give you months of joys..

Be happy about these small,cute , innocent and immature(no offences) relationships..They are not worth your tears...!!! And as i said..hum hain rahi pyar ke..chalna apna kaam..!!!

Life is beautiful..Enjoy..!!!

'Meri dosti,mera pyaar'

2009-08-22T07:45:00.000-07:00

(This post is written with no aim, nothing..Just a simple recollection of my feelings)

Main nahin janta pyaar kya hota hai...pyar kise kehte hain..pyar ehsaas hai, deewangi hai,rishta hai ya phir bas pyar hai..kya hai ..main nahin janta..par haan shayad kuchh khaas hai...!

Aisa kyun hota hai ki hum pyaar mein haar jeet dhoondne lagte hain ?? Aisa kyun hota hai ki hume doosri taraf se bhi utna pyaar chahiye, utna nahin toh pyaar kyun chahte hain ?? Aisa kyun hota hai ki hum doosre ki zindagi mein chha jaana chahte hain ?? Mujhe nahin pata aisa kyun hota hai..par shayad aisa hota..

Mujhe humesha aisa laga hai ki sirf pyar mein hi nahin..humari zindagi mein hume logon ki nazron mein achha dikhna hota hai..hume chahte hain ki saamne waala hume chahe..hum chahte hain ki saamne wale mujhe achha samjhe..behatereen samjhe..shayad hum auron ki nazron mein achha banna chahte hain...aur shayad ye sab karne ke liye hum kuchh nahin sochte..humare liye kya sahi,kya galat,kya achha aur kya bura hai..ye sab toh shayad yaad bhi nahin rehta..

Jis umar mein main hun..shayad is umar mein humare bahut se rishte bante hain..judte hain.. bahut se log humare kareeb ate hain..

Is kareebiyar mein, in rishton mein jo ek galti hoti hai..jo maine toh kari hai woh hai ki hum khud ko badalte hain doosron ke liye..hum doosre jaisa hume dekhna chahte hain waise bante hain..hum woh karte hain jaisa woh hume dekhna chahte hain..aur shayad hum aisa karte karte pyaar ki sundarta, uski innocence kho dete hain..pyaar mein jo jaisa hai,waisa hota hai..pyaar se hum bahut kuchh seekhte hain,par hum pyaar mein bahut kuchh karte hain jisse hum doosre ki nazar mein upar uthte chahe woh humare liye galat bhi ho..

hume ek pyaar aur dosti ke rishte mein haar jeet nahin laani chahiye..agar koi apke liye sabse khaas hai toh zaroori nahin woh bhi apko utni ahmiyat de..haan man lalchi hota hai..woh yeh chahta hai..par hume ye maan lena chahiye ki shayad uski zindagi mein hum utne khaas nahin hain..koi aur hai jo humse khaas hai..humse zyada zaroori hai..hum unhe pyaar de sakte hain, lene ke liye majboor toh nahin kar sakte..

Inhi dosti aur pyaar ke rihston mein hum bade hote hain..bahut kuchh seekhte hain..aur logon se..unki khoobiyan, unka sahara aur unka pyaar humara khud pe vishwaas pe badta hai...

Dosti aur pyaar bade hi pyaare rishte hain..jin logon ko aap chahte hain..unke liye pyaar kam mat kijiye..aur jinhe nahin chahte, unhe bhi pyaar dijiye..pyaar dene se badta hi hai..kam kabhi nahin hota..kya pata koi apko utna pyaar kare jitna aapne shayad zindagi mein nahin kiya hoga ?? Shayad aisa bhi ho sakta hai ki apko koi utna pyaar karta ho jitna aap kisi aur se chahte hain..par shayad aap dekh nahin paa rahe kyunki aap dekhna nahin chahte..

Love has hope..hatred is hopeless..!

Yehi thi kuchh seedhi saadi chhoti moti baatein..jo maine seekhi..

Dedicated to all my friends..! I need you all..!

Ankur

You and me..part-2

2009-07-21T15:31:00.000-07:00

(Rehmaan aur riya..dono hi sadharan se log hain..dono bahut hi saadharan se parivaar se hain…dono ki umar kuchh 24-25 saal ki hai..ghar paas hain par alag mahaulle mein rehte hain…Dono ek hi jagah kaam karte hain..kaam ke baad ghar tak jaane ke safar mein saath saath kuchh rasta tay karte hain..kabhi kabhi baatein karne baith jaate hain..kabhi aur logon ke saath ghoomne bhi nikale hain..Kaafi dino se saath rahein hain.. )

(Dono ek park mein baithe hain..kuchh sham ke saat ,sade saath baje hain..roshini nahin hai..bas aas paas ke gharon ki lighton se jo roshini aa rahi hai, usi mein ek doosre ka chehra dekh ke baate kar rahe hain..ek doosre ke saamne baithe hain .. )

Rehmaan- Aj jab un palon ke baare mein sochta hun jo hum dono ne saath bitaayein hain..toh bas muskurata hun…kabhi kabhi rob hi padta hun..lagta hai bas kabhi aise pal wapis aayein..jab tumhare saath baith ke araam se baat ho..ye kabhi kabhi hi aj ke jaise office se jaldi chhutti milti hai..nahin toh tumhare se toh baat bahut dino se nahin ho payi hai..

(ye kehte kehte Rehmaan ki awaaz thodi fat si jaati..uska gal rondh gaya ho jaise..aankhein so aansu nahin aye hain par..rehmaan zameen ki taraf dekhta hai ..aankhein milane ki himmat nahin hai uski..)

Riya- Mujhe bhi bahut afsos raha hai ki shayad tumhari madad nahin kar paati jitni kar sakti hun..tumhare chehre pe man karta hai bas waisi muskaan dekhun jo jab hum sab shimla gaye the waisi thi..utna khush toh tum ajkal nahin dikhte..bas..waisi kuchh khushi tumhe daina chahti hun..par de nahin paayi kabhi..ajkal bahut pareshan lagte ho..man karta hai office mein baar baar tumhare paas aun aur poochhun ki kyun pareshan ho ? par phir lagta hai ki office waale galat samjhenge…shayad usi dar se main aa nain paati..par aj toh waqt hai..please mujhe batao ki kya hua hai ?? tumhe kya baat itne dino se sata rahi hai ? rehmaan..bharosa rakho mujhpe..main jitni madad kar sakti hun karungi..

(Rehmaan chehra upar karke riya ki aankhon mein dekhta hai..aankhon se aansu aakhir nikal jaate hain..rehmaan phir sir neeche karta hai..rumaal nikalke un aansuon ko poonchhta hai..)

Riya- Rehmaan..ladke hokar rote ho… ??

(Riya mazaak mein kehti hai….shayad mahaul ko thoda light rakhne ke liye..Rehmaan bhi ek baar ko muskura padta hai..)

Rehmaan- Kambhakt aansu..Ruk hi nahin paaye jab tum dilaasa de rahi thi..saath dene ka ashvaashan de rahi thi..pyar jhalak raha tha tumhari baaton mein..riya..pata nahin ki tum janti ya nahin..par haan riya..haan..main tumse pyaar karne lage hun..kabse aur kyun ? main nahin jaanta. .par dil se chahta hun ki tumhe khush rakhun…tumhare saath waqt bitaaun…baatein karun…kuchh aise pal maine tumhare saath guzaarein hain..woh itne dil ke kareeb hain..unke liye khuda ka shurkiyada karta hun..par aur bitana chahta hun..jab bhi tumhe dekhta hun..bas..lagta hai waqt tham jaaye..sabki nazron se churakar tumse kahin jaa kar baatein karun..tumhe bataun ki tumhe kitna chahta hun………..

(kehte kehte rehmaan rone laga…ye baatein sunke riya bhi apne aansu rok na paayi…dono ek doosre ke saamne rote hain..)

Riya-….jaanti hun Rehmaan ..jaanti hun..ye cheezein batani zaroori nahin hoti..tumhe kya lagta hai main tumhe pyaar nahin karti ? kyun na karun..jab tum itna khayal rakhte ho..ek achhe iraadeon wale wyakti dil se dikhte ho..toh tumhe pyar kyun na karun ?? par..main bebas thi Rehmaan..main kuchh soch nahin paayi ki is chij ka saamna kaise karungi..dil mein dar sa lagta tha kuchh bhi sochti thi toh..kuchh bhi..shayad isliye chup rahi..

(Riya apna haath rehmaan ke haath pe rakhti hai..thodi der baad rehmaan rona band kar deta hai..)

Rehmaan-Riya..pata nahin..mujhe bhi ek ajeeb sa dar satata tha..lagta hai tumse pyaar karke main galti toh nahin kari ..?? tumse pyaar karke main kuchh galat toh nahin kar raha ?? dil zor zor se dhadakne lagta tha jab bhi tumhare baare mein sochta tha..par phir khuda pe vishwaas tha..laga pyar janbhooz ke toh nahin kiya..tumse pyaar ho gaya..kabse karta hun main to ye bhi nahin janta..bas..yehi sochke man ko samjhaya hai..riya…hum apni jagah thik hain..please rona band karo..

(riya..sir hilati hai..aur thodi der baad chup ho jaati hai..)

Riya-….Rehmaan..pata nahin..tum ise kya samjhoge…par dil se kahun toh tumme mujhe ek saathi dikhta hai..ek sahara..ek pyaar..ek wyaqti jiske saath dil karta hai waqt bitaane ke…man karta hai bas zindagi bhar hum baate karte rahein..

(Rehmaan thodi der ke liye kuchh nahin kehta..)

Rehmaan- Aj ek khuskhabri deni thi..meri tankhwa bad gayi hai..mujhe ab 8 ki jagah 10 hazaar rupay mahina milenge..

(Riya muskuraati hai..rehmaan ki aankhon mein khushi dekh ke khush hoti hai..)

Riya- Chalo man ko sunkar khushi hui..

Rehmaan-…jaanta hun..ki abhi tankhwah zyada nahin hai..par jis din lagega..ki kuchh kamane layak bana hun..kuchh kaabil bana hun..us din tumhara haath tumhare abbu jaan se zaroor maangunga..jaanta hun ki humare majhab alag hain..jaanta hun..par pyaar sacha hai..par pyaar sacha hai…hum saath hain riya..hum saath hain..tumhe mujhme ek sahara dikhta hai na..main woh sahara banke dikhaunga..woh saathi banke dikhaaunga…
(Riya ki aankhein nam ho jaati hain…..rehmaan usko haath pakad ke uthata hai…dono gale milte hain…)

Riya- Bas mere paas rehna Rehmaan..phir saari mushkile asaan ho jayengi…………

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Love is above materialism...above everything...love is love...!!!!

Comments and suggestions...Requested....!!!

main aur mera jahaan..!

2009-07-04T02:08:00.000-07:00

मैं और मेरा जहान
'वो जो कर रहा है..वो सही नहीं ..वो गलत है ..उसे ऐसा नहीं करना चाहिए..' ये विचार मेरे मन में आया..
अकेले बैठा अपने कमरे में अपने एक दोस्त के लिए के रहा था..नाराज़ था..उसने कुछ ऐसे काम किये थे जो
मुझे अच्छे नहीं लगे..मुझे सही नहीं लगे..वोह काम गलत थे ..कोई ज़रुरत नहीं थी उनकी..बैठा अकेले
अपने कमरे में अपने दोस्त को कोसता रहा ..
धीरे धीरे अपने ख्याल में खो गया..क्या करता अगर मैं उसकी जगह होता..क्या वोह अपनी जगह ठीक है..
शायद वो कभी समझ ही नहीं पाया की मैं कौन हूँ..शायद उसके लिए मैं वोह नहीं हूँ जो मैं असल में
हूँ..शायद उससे कभी वैसी बातें हुई नहीं जो मेरी सच्चाई को दर्शाए ..शायद मैं खुद भी नहीं जानता
था की मैं उसकी ज़िन्दगी में क्या अहमियत रखता हूँ..शायद मैं खुद को खुद ही नहीं जानता था...कौन हूँ
मैं ? ये दुनिया क्यूँ है ? कुछ भी तो जवाब नहीं था मेरे पास...
तो फिर ये कह देना की उसका ऐसा करना गलत है ..शायद ये कह देना 'गलत' था..सही नहीं था..तभी बैठ
के सोचा की मेरे लिए दुनिया क्या है ?? मेरा घरबार..मेरे घरवाले..मेरे दोस्त..मेरे जान पहचाने वाले..जो जगह
मैंने देखी हुई हैं ..शायद मेरे ख्याल भी..अब जितनी मेरी समझ है उस हिसाब से मैं सही गलत तोलता हूँ..
अब शायद उसकी दुनिया अलग है..उसके लोग अलग है ..उसकी समझ अलग है...मेरी खुद की समझ
है..शायद अभी जो कह रहा हूँ वो आधे घंटे बाद कुच्छ और हो ..हर पल बदल रहा हूँ..हर पल 'मेरा जहाँ'
बदल रहा है..मैं कोई नहीं होता उसे गलत या सही कहने वाला..फिर सोचा अगर ऐसा है तो हर कोई अपनी जगह ठीक है ? शायद हाँ ..शायद ना..मैं नहीं जानता..पर इतना
ज़रूर लगा की मैं उनको गलत नहीं ठहरा सकता..मैं कोई नहीं हूँ ये कहने वाला ..
शायद एक चोर की मजबूरी हो चोरी करना..
शायद एक आतंकवादी वोह समझ नहीं सकता जो उसे लोग समझाते हैं..वो उसकी दुनिया है..उसके लिए वही सच है..
एक मानसिक रोगी के लिए जो वो कर रहा है वही दुनिया है ..शक्की लोगों के लिए उनकी दुनिया वही है..
फिर लगा अगर ऐसा है तोह फिर तोह दुनिया में कुछ गलत है ही नहीं..सब सही है..तो हम क्या कर सकते हैं ?
थोड़ी देर तक तो कुछ जवाब नहीं आया..
ऐसा लगा की मैं जानता ही नहीं कुछ..शायद ये सच था..जिस दिन मैंने ये सोचा की मैं कुछ जानता हूँ वहीँ
मैंने ठोकर खाई ..शायद मैं कुछ भी नहीं जानता..हाँ पर अच्छी बात शायद ये है की जानना चाहता हूँ...
समझना चाहता हूँ..अब यह इच्छा सही है या गलत..यह भी मैं नहीं जानता ..बस यह इच्छा है ज़रूर ..
अकेले बैठा..एक चीज जो ज़हन में आई थी..शायद ऐसा कुछ करूँ की किसी को दुःख ना पहुंचे ..किसी को बुरा
ना लगे..कभी ज़रूरी हुआ तो कुछ नहीं कर सकता...पर कोशिश येही कर सकता हूँ..
किसी के लिए बुरा ना सोचूं..जितना प्यार दे सकता हूँ दूँ ,क्यूंकि शायद मैं और कुछ कर ही नहीं सकता..किसी
के लिए बुरा सोचना ठीक नहीं है..क्यूंकि वोह व्यक्ति अपनी जगह सही है..

बैठा अकेले..ख्यालों में उलझता रहा...सही गलत ..समझ आया की ये इतना आसान नहीं है शायद जितना हम
बना देते हैं..किसी को दोषी ठहराना..किसी के लिए बुरा सोचना..सब खोखला है ..
मेरे ख्याल सुलझ तो नहीं पाए..पर एक चीज़ ज़रूर लगी..मेरी दुनिया मेरा जाहन अधूरा है ...मेरी दुनिया
सिर्फ मेरी है ..कोई और उसे नहीं समझ सकता..और शायद मैं किसी और की नहीं ..सही गलत. .मैं नहीं जानता ..
जानना भी नहीं चाहता..सवाल बहुत हैं..जवाब नहीं हैं...बस ये जानता हूँ..मेरी खोज जारी है ..!!!

You and Me

2009-06-16T01:14:00.000-07:00

( Both of them are sitting closely in a beach..Sun is just about to set..Sea waves are producing a soft, rythmic music ..Some waves are touching their feet also..!! )

Rehmaan- "Riya ! I can not put in words what you have done for me..I mean you are everything for me"....

Riya-"Same here..I can not see my life without you..You have been so good and nice to me.."

Rehmaan-"Thanks for everything..I know i keep on saying this every other day, but I love you a lot dear.."

Riya-"How sweet of you to say that..! My sweetie " ...

Rehmaan and riya both smile..Rehmaan's hand slowly find riya's..With hand in hand they sit quiet for a while when a wave just tocuhes their feet..

Riya-"Its so beautiful..The feel of this is just too nice..And your presence makes it even nicer !! "..

Rehmaan-"I guess the love is in the air.." and both of them smile again..

They dont speak anything for while..They just feel the serenity in the atmopshere..

Rehmaan-"Life has been actually rude with me..The only happiness i find is with you..I really mean it.."

Riya-" Same here..My sweetie..I mean..I guess i can not imagine even living for such long with you..How much you helped when i was in the state of depression.."

Rehmaan-"Yes..One thing I fear is you being gone..More than you, i did it for me..i need you riya...i want you.."

Riya-"Yes yes i know that..i know that we love each other..we do..We have been so caring towards each other..We understand each other so well.."

Riya-"Do you remember the way we fought that case for our rights three years back ?? " ..

Rehmaan brings his hand slowly towards her far arm and brings her closer to himself...She puts her head on his shoulder..

Both of them go on thanking each other..They just have no words..They know each other now for 15 years but they still feal their love is growing day by day..They can feel it..They are everything for each other...

After sometimes..When both of them ened their talk on a happy note of saying that they will always be there for each other..

Both of them wore their BLACK spects and took out their WHITE WALKING sticks..Slowly they stood up...

With that , together they slowly walked with their sticks away from beach...

They are blind..They cannot see each other..They do not know how they look..How their love looks..But they do feel the 'love'..They feel the touch..They feel the care..They understand each other..They know each other..Life had been rude to them but they found a way out..They have been life for each other..They are everything to each other..

This for me is 'unconditional love'...!

Love is love...

Enjoy !!

Love will find a way ....

2009-06-14T04:17:00.000-07:00

'My heart will go on.....'
My heart skipped a beat as I read the sms from Raj...

sms said..
-------------------------------
Date- 1 jan 2010
Time- 00:30 Hrs

Rina,I guess lets END it now..
Had a nice time meeting you..
Happy new year..

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Though I was expecting this after all that had happened between us
in these last weeks..But now we had OFFICIALLY borken up..it was so
damn sad to face it..Life suddenly looked blank..I mean, RAJ, he was my life for such a long time..Half my time i used to spend with him..It was like something BIG has gone out of my life..My mind then said 'What next then ?' with tears started flowing as I couldnot control my emotions further....!!!

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July 2009..

Raj, OFFICIALLY proposed me..We were like such good friends..So we thought
that why dont we live for each other..These were the days when I just could not
keep my feet on ground..I was on some other plane..some other world..Love was all
around..We used to know EVERYTHING about each other..We used to care..We used to share..We were there to wipe off each others tears..We met so so often..He used to skip his classes and I used to bunk mine, just to spend some time together..Life looked beautiful,complete and divine..I had everything..everything..

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September 2009..

Rina,Raj..Made for each other..We used to think about Marriage and stuff..We used to make plans for making it BIG..Our conversations on phones did affect out respective studies..We just could not concentrate on studies without talking to each other..I used to become restless if there was no reply from him even for more than five minutes..i just could not think of loosing him..For me he was my everything..my joys,my tears,my life..

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Novemeber 2009..

Relationship started EXPECTING somethings..I started feeling SAD whenever he did not show up when I was down and out..I mean how could he just forget MY worries ?..we no longer could take time out for each other..Or maybe we were SO USED to each other that we started taking things for GRANTED..The relationship no longer had that
SWEETNESS,VIGOUR and JOY..It was like in a sleepy mode..Less talks,less gifts,less 'i love you's...

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December 2009..

More fights,more EXPECTATIONS..more possesiveness..We no longer told each other EVERYTHING..Our relationship demaned MORE TIME and MORE SPACE..personal space..We used to have fights over each others non-mutual friends..We started putting conditions on each other..Frustrations,worries and pressure were very high..We just wanted some 'change' but still feared to 'part ways'..Finally we talked..talked all possibilities and decided that we will let each other know what we feel about this relationship...

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January 2010..

For the first time after so many months life looked empty,blank..Nothing to do..I started giving more time to my family and my friends..I even realised that I just neglected them during these months..Maybe it was the flow of this love, or
maybe it was 'young love' that drove me with it..I used to cry everyday (alone), thinking about Raj,the times we spent with each other..I just could not see a way out ..How will i survive further??...Will I ever be able to become
that 'happy Rina' again ??? And if yes, how ?? As for Raj is concerned , we obviously did not talk much but we were still in touch.,, we changed our ways whenever we saw each other..In short 'neglected' each other..

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March 2010..

I was still hanging over that relationship..Though obviously i was now 'used to' this separation..I still just went blank talking to my friends thinking about those days..I wanted help, though i never cried for it..I needed him,i wanted him..But i guess i had realised that now he will never come back..Even the tears had dried
up as I did not cry further about watching those gifts,those cards,those letters,remembering those dayss....!!

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May 2010..

New people walked in my life..They were sweet,very sweet..With them I even forgot Raj because there were no talks about RAJ anymore..I enjoyed their company..Slowly and slowly their presence did take over my feelings for Raj..I started getting more connected to them..Spent hours with them on stretch..I smiled..I Laughed..I finally started LIVING life rather than SURVIVING life..

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July 2010..

A 'special' friend..Ermm..He proposed me ..I told him about Raj and me and my hesitancy to get into relationship..Then even he was ready to wait..I felt IMPORTANT..SPECIAL..Somebody actually LOVED me..CARED for me..Finally at the end of this month I accepted the proposal............

LOVE WAS BACK AGAIN AND SO WAS MY LIFE

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For all the people who feel that 'love' and 'relationship' is not their cup of tea..My suggestion..Please wait ..If you dont want to bump into LOVE, love will DEFINITELY bump into you..If not today then tomorrow..
My thoughts..LOVE WILL FIND A WAY

Life is beautiful...Enjoy !!!

Written in assosciation with AADHAR GARG

Mera khushaal Mausam !!!

2009-06-10T01:37:00.000-07:00

Main khush tha..kyun tha..kisliye the..pata nahin..par main khush tha..mujhe kuchh alag hi ehsaas tha..jaise hi ghar se bahar kadam pade , baarish shuru ho gayi..baarish ki pehli boondein mujhpe giri.. wo mujhe thandak de gayi..sirf bahari nahin andhrooni thandak..halki halki rimjhim boondain..laga jaise asmaan mein koi khushi ke aansu ro raha hai..asmaan mein kisi ki payal ki awaaz aa rahi ho in boondon mein..duniya kitani khoobsurat thi..thoda chala toh mor ki awaaz ayi..laga woh bhi is mausam se kitna khush hai...khushi se naach raha hai....paed khushi se lehlaha rahe the..cheediya chehchaha rahi thi..main khush tha..duniya khush thi..kya HI aur chahiye .. ;-)

Jo chiz lene gaya tha asaani se mil gayi..dheemi dheemi baarish mein khaane ka mazaa hi kuchh aur tha..mera man chehchah raha tha..main khush tha..kyun pata nahin..and shayad zaroori bhi nahin tha..kyunki main khush tha ;-) ...

Ek dost mila..thoda pareshaan..use thodi der mein hi hansa diya...uski awaaz bhi kuchh khushhaal lagne lagi..kya nahin tha mere paas..sab kuchh mera hi toh tha..yeh asmaan..yeh zami..aur ye khushi..sab meri thi..in sabse main tha...

Shayad kuchh ghante pehle mujhe yehi baarish kisi ka rona mashoos hoti,yeh chidiya roti hui lagti..apne dost ko pareshan dekhkhar khud pareshan ho jaata..par nahin ..aisa nahin hua..kyunki main khush tha..mera man khush tha..

Zindagi mein kai aise mod aye hain jahaan shayad dukh aya ho par woh mod maine humesha paar kiye hain..kabhi khud toh kabhi mujhe koi sahi mod ka raasta dikha deta hai..hum khush hain toh jahan khush hain..bas yehi the kuchh pal..kuchh yaadein..kuchh meethi yaadein..ek khushaal mausam ki..mera khushaal mausam... !!!!

Dard aur dosti

2009-06-09T23:34:00.000-07:00

Dard Aur Dosti

Kal raat mein chup chaap , thandi hawa ke beech akele baith ke roya..roya har us pal ko yaad karke jisme main bahut khush tha aur shayad jin palon ko main phir se dhoond raha tha..un palon ko apne se door jaate dekh shayad main un aansuon ko rok nahin paaya..akele baith ke yehi khayal aya ki shayad hum kitne adhoore hote hain akele..jo log kareeb hote hain humare se hume unki kitni zaroorat hoti hai..kya karunga main jab woh mere saath nahin honge..aur roya..aur aansu bahe..khud hi apnse aanshu ponchh raha tha..laga shayad koi ho mere paas..jo mujhe hansaye..chup karaye..kahe ki woh mera kabhi bhi saath nahin chhodenge..par wahan koi aisa tha nahin..

Dheere dheere yehi socha ki shayad yeh jo log hain, kabhi na kabhi toh mere se door jayenge..kya karunga tab main..kisi ek ki kami bhi mujhe khalegi..har kisi ki humari zindagi mein ek jagah hoti hai shayad jo koi aur poori nahin kar sakta..kaisi hogi zindagi tab ? ..iska koi jawab nahin the mere zahan mein..main nahin janta tha ki age kya hoga..kya koi aur meri zindagi mein ayega ki koi meri zindagi se jaayega..main bas dukhi tha sirf is 'ehsaas' se hi ki woh log mere paas nahin hai,mere saath nahin hain..

Pata nahin main kya soch raha tha aur kyun soch raha tha..bas soch raha..khush hona bhi chaha..socha un logon ke liye hi khush ho jaun jo mujhe khush dekhne chahte hain..jo mujhe hanste hue dekhna chahte hain..ek baar ko rote rote hansa bhi..par zyada der khush nahin reh paaya..is adhoorepan se main dukhi hota hi raha..Phir yehi ehsaas hua ki shayad ye pyaar hi hai un logon ke liye jo mere kareeb hai jinke door jaane se mujhe achha nahin lag raha..Aise log hain jihone mujhpe kabhi pyar ki barish kari thi..baarish kar rahe hain..jinhone mujhe kabhi na bhulaye jaane waale pal diye the..pal khushi ke..pal dard ke bhi..pal khatte meethe..par anmol pal..

Dheere dheere aansu tham gaye..pata nahin kyun thame kaise thamee...par tham gaye..Utha ..akele paidal chala..thandi hawa ke beech..har us admi ka chehra aankhon ke saamne tha jo meri zindagi hai..jinse meri zindagi hai...man mein ek ichha thi ki bas woh jahan ho ..jaise rahein khush rahein..shayad unke liye main sirf us samay dua hi maang sakta tha..aur jahan tak raha mera sawaal..maine shayad us dard se dosti kar li thi..shayad..'ye mera dost' mere se khud hi door chale jaayee... !!!

Khoj

2009-05-21T04:47:00.001-07:00

Ek shaam, nikal pada, akele, tanha apne ghar se ek aise safar ki taraf jiska mujhe ant nahin pata tha..bas main door jana chahta tha..kahan yeh pata nahin..bas kuchh shanti chahta tha kyun ye pata nahin..ye ashanti , ye bechaini kyun thi yeh pata nahin ..par woh zaroor thi..zindagi adhoori lag rahi thi..kuchh kami thi, kya thi yeh pata nahin..is zindagi se bhagne ka man tha, bas ek is ajeeb se eshaas se door jaana chahta tha..

Nikala ek aise safar ki or jahan sirf prakriti thi..jahan ped paudhe the..jahan panchhi the..jahan mujhe kuchh waqt mile apne saath bitaane ka..kuchh sochne ka..kuchh samjhne ka..shayad yehi kami thi..shayad main khud ko hi nahin
kabhi jaan paya..shayad pehchaan nahin paya..shayad janne pehchanne ki koshish hi nahin ki..ekant mein baitha..pedo ke beech..thandi hawa chali toh ek pal ko to man khush hua..man ko shanti mili..shayad inhi palon ki kami thi..shayad inhi ke liye taras raha tha mera bechain man..shayad isi thehraav ki kami thi...pal thode dheere hue..waqt jaise thama ho is prakriti ke beech..

Isi thehraav ke saath bechaini kam hui..dheere dheere man mein khayal ane shuru hue..khayal bhi thehre hue..thode sadhe hue, thode manjhe hue..bachpana kam tha unme..apni zindagi ko apni ankhon ke saamne dekh raha tha..zindagi ko sachhi nazron se dekhke alag laga ..thoda thehraav bada..aankhein nam hui..laga ki jaise zindagi bhaag rahi hai..shayad main us waqt ko pakadna chahta tha..rokna chahta tha..chahta tha ki main jaisa hun waisa rahun..waqt bas yahin tham jaaye..purane din purane dost purani yaaedin sab ankhon ke saamne ..un logon ko, un lamhon ko wapas laana chahta tha..main zindagi ke kuchh pal phir se jeena chahta tha..

Shayad in aansuon ke saath mere dard beh gaye..kuchh kam hue..shayad maine dard apne saath hi baant liya..dheere dheere pal guzare..man shaant hua..zindagi ke kuchh kharab pal yaad aye..jin palon ko shayad kabhi yaad nahin karna chahta tha..yaad aye aise pal jinme mein pareshan rehta tha..jahan main roya tha, sabko dukh pahunchaya tha..jahan main humesha apne apko thik mana karta tha..jahan main logon se lada tha..unpe naraaz hua tha..jin palon ki khatas abhi bhi dil mein thi..un palon ko dekha, mahsoos kiya..shayad yeh maana ki main un logon ke bina bhi adhoora hun..unki apni jagah thi..jo hua shayad sahi nahin tha..galti chahe kisi ki bhi ho shayad jo hua woh sahi nahin tha..un logon ka meri zindagi se jaana thik nahin tha....unhe yaad karke maana ki main aaj bhi adhoora hun..isi eshaas ke saath phir dil halka hua..jo bhaaripan tha..jo bechaini thi woh aur kam hui...tabhi dheere dheere mujhe laga ki maine shayad kabhi samjh hi nahin tha ki main kya chahta tha..bas humesha laga ki jo us waqt chahun mil jaaye..chahe achhe number hon, chahe kisi ko pana ho,chahe kahin jit ho,kuchh bhi,shayad kabhi yeh maana nahin ki main khudgarz hun..sirf apna bhala dekhta hun ..sirf apne baare mein sochta hun..is bhavna se mujhe humesha dard mila..kabhi khushi nahin mili..isne mujhe humesha kharab sochne par majboor kiya..doston ke prati kharab bhavna, unpe shak karna..bematlab apne sambandh isi chakkar mein kharab kiye kyunki maine apna bhala chaha aur shayad sirf apna bhala chaha..ek baar ko laga ek ek ke paas abhi jaaun aur maafi maangu jiska maine dil dukhaya..jiske saath bura bartaav kiya..par shayad woh ho nahin sakta tha..woh mujhse bahut door ja chuke the..phir se mujhe yehi laga ki main kitna adhoora hun..sirf bahari khushi dekhta hun..duniya ke saamne achha banna chahta hun chahe andar se kitna ghatiya hi sahi..kuchh kam karta tha toh sirf doosron ki nazar mein achha banne ke liye...chahe woh dosotn ki nazar sahi ya gharwaalon ki..kabhi apni nazar mein upar uthne ki koshish nahin ki..kabhi samjha nahin ki shayad jahan khushi dhoond raha hun wahan khushi hai nahin..jis khushi ko dhoond raha tha woh apna thikana badalti rehti hai..asli khushi ka thikana wahan nahin shayad mere andar hai....ise dekh laga shayad meri duniya wahi hai jo maine banayi hai..shayad isme jo kamiyan hai wo meri wajah se hai..kisi aur ko dosh diya agar kabhi toh woh thik nahin tha..par phir laga shayad ab mujhe khushi apne andar dhoondni hai..mujhe abhi samajhna tha ki main kya chahta hun..pedon ko dekh laga ki kaash zindagi humari saral ho...saadharan ho..hum humesha apni zindagi apne khayalon se asaral bana dete hain..logon pe shak karke, logon se kuchh zyada hi chahte hain..apni zindagi ko badalna chahta tha..apne is adhoorepan ki khoj karke ek khushi bhi mehsoos hui..shayad is khoj ki kami thi..shayad aaj tak yeh baat maani nahin thi ki main adhoora tha..galat tha..

Isi khayal ke saath pedo ke beech ghaans pe leta raha..asmaan ki or dekhkar socha shayad yehi mera lakshya hai..main apne ko janna chahta hun..apne ko samajhna chahta hun..shayad main ek hi chij chahta hun..khoj..is duniya mein apni khoj.. !

REMEMBRANCE ..

2009-04-05T05:18:00.003-07:00

The moment had finally arrived, the moment for which i was waiting for such a long period..It was today for which
I waiting from last three years, the day when I will finally meet all my school friends together in a park near our
dear old school. After 12th our school group had split and we all went to different colleges..But we were still in
touch for all this time..
Some of us planned a reunion after such a long time at a place suitable for most of us, so that maximum number
of people could turn up..Maximum number of people were informed about the reunion..
Afterall whatever we say, whatever we do, for most of us school memories are perhaps the most special ones
of our entire life..

I woke up early in the morning...I did not sleep well..The reason being high amount of nervousness
and excitement going through my head..
What bothered me the most or perhaps the only thing that bothered me was - ' Will she turn up ?
EVen if she did, will she recognise me ? Will I be able to talk to her ? ' ..Slowly the time passed with my
heartbeat increasing with every second passing..I tried to keep it cool but somehow I kept loosing confidence..
I even considered a thought of not attending the reunion..Somehow, someway i managed to gain some
confidence back and went away for the 'destination' with a hope to relive perhaps the best days of my life..

Because of nervousness I started out so early I reached the place fifteen minutes before time..As expected I was the
first one to reach..I had dressed myself in a simple fashion, I did not spend much time on it or rather I could not
spend time on it as my brain had stopped working since morning..I sat there on grass in complete solitude..I then
got lost in my own thoughts pulling out grass unconsciously..After considering what all had happnend from moring
I smiled when I thought logically about my stupidity of starting out early..

'Good to see you smile ! ' ..I glanced above as my heartbeat skipped a beat..There she stood dressed beautifully
looking simply gorgeous..I stood up nervously with my body shaking a bit..'Oh !! Thanks..Hi !' Thats all I could
manage..I nervously shook hand and just looked down at the grass..I did not have the courage to look into those eyes
and loose myself all over again...'Hi !Lets sit down here only' she said confidently..I sat down.My hearbeat was now
racing..My fear that she will not recognise me was over..But the fact that I had to face her alone was what made
me feel so underconfident..I did not have a clue as to how to start the conversation and what to say , when she said
'So ! How are you Ankur ? How are things at IIT Delhi ? ' ..I was blank..I did not have a clue as to how she knows
my college..I felt so embarassing when I couldnt manage to say anything for 15 seconds or so..I drew some confidence
from within and started of with confidence..' Well I am fine...College is going nice..Nicely settled there and
enjoying the college life entirely..What about you ? You are doing MBBS from punjab..right ? 'I said..I kind of
had a sigh of relief as slowly my nervousness was easing out, i was kind of getting a bit calmer though I was still
nervous..'Well I am fine too..My college is going good besides the fact that there are too much of studies there..
We still somehow manage to find time for enjoyment you see..'she said..We then started of with our conversation
where she did much of the talking..I came to know about her hostel,her friends, her college and I told her my
interests, future plans etc etc..Then she said that she was also a bit nervous to come and thus she also started
early..That boosted my confidence up a bit and I was finally into relaxed state of mind..
We then took our conversation into some movies related stuff and some talks about those beautiful old good days.

'Why is nobody else here till now? ' She said after fifteen minutes..'No clue..' I said..'What about a cup of coffee
and some snacks ?' I said..'I am starving' ..I told her..She with her charming smile agreed and we both walked along
the park together towards a place where all the students of the school came to have some snacks after the school ..
The walk with he was perhaps something i longed from I dont know when ..It was an irreplacable gift that
god gave me..I could feel her presence,smell her presence..This whole thing gave my heart a lift..I felt serene
and divine..
Along the walk we chatted different stuff but all along I kept thinking - 'Should I or shouldn't I ?' 'Its the first
and last oppurtunity you have ' 'What is she slaps ? ' 'What is she has a boy friend ? ' etc etc..

FInally we reache the restaurant..There we ate together..I had more
attention on her than my food..I once brought an empty cup to drink a glass of water and once took out a spoon to
drink coffee..Both of the time my accompanist smiled and left me embarassed..Anyway the things moved one, we chatted
about every stuff you can imagine..From sports, to music, to life, to future, to friends , to food to everything..

With twenty more minutes over we went back to park and to our surprise there was still nobody who turned up in our
absence..Then we decided to call them..I called my friends and some of them said sorry that they will not be able to come.
Some said they will be able to come only in afternoon..Some of the girl refused..So all in all after 15 minutes of
phone calls most of the people who would turn said that they will take atleast an hour to reach here..She smiled
when I told her the details of every phone call..'Looks like we are still the only sincere people in the class !'..
She said with a smile on her face..It was her greatest ability, she could smile and make you feel that life is
beautiful in every situation possible..
I must tell you I had a liking for her since I dont know when , but well past 5 years I have been
attracted only to this girl..She was like a person for whom I could do anything..I never had any plans of
having a relationship with her, or to tell her etc etc..But what all I wanted was to
know her..
Whether is she still the same...Whether is she still that simple, cute ,innocent girl at whom I stared
in classes and assemblies ..Is she still the same person whom I notice talking in class, smiling and playing
with her friends..' Is she still the same '..I kept thinking..
'Well lets go and meet our teachers,we have a lot of time to spend till they turn up '..she said..Though I wanted
to spend time with her alone but of course you dot get what you desire everytime..So we went to school on foot,
remembering the old school instances, some joyful memories came back and we kind of relived what were supposedly the
best days of our life..
Meeting the old teachers is always a pleasure..The smile one their face, their suggestions,
their wishes are always so so nice..With small tears in our eyes as we parted off with the school which was
no longer ours..
I tried to cheer her up along the way and she gave me a smile with water still in her eyes..At that moment i wished
that world had stopped..I wanted to capture this scene forever..She looked so so so beautiful that it was beyond words,
beyond material, beyond everything..
But then the time had to move one..We went back slowly to the park and finally some
people had turn up in groups..Six of them came..We shook hands..Hugged each other and chatted...With more people
joining us with every minute..After an hour of coming back to the park almost all the expected people had turn up
and then we joked around, shouted in park and perhaps we were back to that child age again..We were letting that kid
come out of us..We played games like the old favourite truth and dare ..This whole feeling of being back to that
age of 17 was a great feeling ..While playing, while enjoying I still kept noticing her, twice or thrice my eyes found
hers..I immediately started looking somwhere else whenever such a thing happened ..
After this we all sat down and chatted..Everyone was interested to know how many of
us were still single..Few of us including me raised hand..I saw her hand raised too !!..
My heart again skipped a beat
as I finally knew that she was single..With this whole big detailed discussion about everyone we gave our contacts
to the ones who wanted and finally we all decided to part off again..

Here I was at the same moment again..Should I or should not I..Am I being foolish ? Is this love ? If not can this
be love ? With all these thoughts hitting me heavily on head, people started to leave..I said goodbye to many of
friends absent-mindedly..My hands were numb again...Again the things were looking out of control..Nervousness,
anxiety all hit me at once..
'Ankur will you please accompany me till my home ?? You are the one who lives nearest you see..' She said politely..
'Sure'..I said nervously..Is it the right time ? ...We walked along the park together but this time no one of us was
talking..She looked a bit worried too..I could not gather the courage to even speak..We took an auto and finally
there we were at 5 min walk distance from her house..'My house is..' she said when I absent-mindedly said 'near from
here..First left and then right..Ya I know ..' ..Her eyes were wide..Her face blank..'How do you know ? How do you
know Ankur ? ' ..I then realised what i said..I looked down..I avoided her eye-contact..How could I tell her that I was so mad
about her that I had her phone number and address imprinted in my memory..How could i tell her that i wandered
sometimes near her house just to see a glimpse of her ..How could I ?? Thats when a tear fell from my eye..I could
not control my emotions..It felt so bad about leaving her a..True, she was
never mine but this whole day, she was with me..I could not even have the courage to think of loosing her sight,
loosing her smile..loosing her forever...I do not know what she understood of my tear,
but all she did was that she walked away ..Walked away from my life..From me...forever....!

This is my remembrance of one most special day of my life ! What happened afterwards is for you to decide .. !

Its just...

2009-04-05T05:18:00.001-07:00

Sometimes as trust,

sometimes as hope,

sometimes as grief,

sometimes as support,

sometimes with smiles,

somtimes with tears,

sometimes for months,

sometimes for years......

It feels,
It heals,
It knows,
It shows...

It can see everything,
But is still blind,
It is everywhere,
Still its hard to find..

Innocent as child,
Endless as ocean,
Gentle as dove,
This is just love........

Ankur

First Semester

2009-04-05T05:17:00.000-07:00

The bags were packed, our car was ready as me and my parents began to
leave me to a place where I wanted to go for last two years, my dream
place IIT Delhi…With a fear in my mind of settling in a new
environment with a new set of people I made up my mind of facing every
problem and not just run from it just because my home place was near
to me ..

The first week of the college started with me getting hardly
acquainted to 10 people of my hostel as I was so shy and scared of
being ragged that I spent most of my time lying in my hostel room or
reading in reading room..I was solely dependent on my old friends to
help me out and unfortunately I did not have any old friend as such in
my hostel, though there were 3-4 of them whom I knew by face but I was
as usual so hesitant of starting a conversation with them that I
hardly talked to them..

Life in first semester started with getting confused about the
academic system as I had no clue as what we are supposed to do here
..We were being told to consult seniors but as usual my shyness and my
fear held me .I worked myself and slowly and steadily I learned what
does these things mean..

I sort of ran to my home whenever I got time and never mixed with the
hostel group and literally did nothing in first few weeks..All I did
was to read and sit in reading room because that was the only place from
where I knew way back to my hostel ..Nor did I have the faintest of
idea of different routes to various places in IITD…

Slowly and steadily I started getting acquainted with the hostel crowd
though I somehow still remained away from them, partly because of my
shyness and partly because I did not want to ..I had never lived in
any hostel before in my entire life and was just not used to share
things and I just did not like anyone entering my room..The good thing
then I started was to go out for walks so as to have some idea about
the campus and also spend some nice time with the nature..This was in
fact the best thing I did till that time, the only positive I can
say..I just walked all around the campus searching some new roads,
getting to know which place is where..I walked sometimes with friends
but mostly alone..During these walks I encouraged myself to just
follow the things and first settle in before making any move..This was
my sole aim during the first month or so…I just tried to settle
in..But at the end of every week I never got any courage to live in my
room and just ran back to my home and hence always had a feeling of
discomfort whenever I got back to the college..

The exams are a daily routine in IIT and I took them as such..I just
prepared a bit for them and did not psyche before them though many
students did..I just took them easily..The results were not good but
not bad either but still they were definitely less than what I
expected them to be..But I simply put my mind out of it and decided to
just take things as they come and first ensure my settlement in the
hostel..

With all the students participating in the extra currics , I somehow
kept myself away from them because I did not want to mess all things
up..i just decided not to go by the trend cause I felt that I have to
first live here happily and then do things which will then make me
happier..The idea of being settled well in the hostel was always in
my head..Plus I wanted to have a good academic start because I knew If
I will fail at them then there is hardly any chance of getting any
confidence to do good here..That is why I kept my idea simple..just
spend time in hostel..Interact with people and study..

After the cultural fest I somehow started to get settled in the hostel
as I took time for myself , sat with hostel people more than before
and just somehow kept myself interested in the IIT life..I tried to
make it interesting by going to mother dairy for just a packet of
flavored milk and still enjoying the feel of the parks and
trees..Slowly and steadily these walks which I started rather than
being something that will put me out of depression became something
that will keep me happy..I started to roam around campus at nights and
started enjoying every bit of what I lived at IIT..

But IIT life has a trend , people here do things that you just cant
imagine, they handle acads with currics with everything you can think of
and there is always this thought of what we will write in our resume
if we will not do anything in currics..This idea did create sometimes
an insecurity for me cause I just did average in minor-1 and moreover
I did not do anything in the currics..

Still what I thought and what I believed was that I should not do a
thing for which I have no inner drive, a thing I am doing just for the
sake of it and not for the reason for which it is meant..If I do
social service because it will look nice on my resume and not for the
purpose for which social service is meant then I thought the sole will
be missing..Hence I decided to still stick to my simple thinking, do
nice in academics and just enjoy the time and settle well in hostel..
With this thinking the second month ended and minor-2 came and to my
surprise and happiness I really performed well and felt at ease with
the system and atmosphere of IIT….This brought me happiness and
satisfaction that at least I am doing something here..

The hostel life had till then become nice for me..I started to enjoy
sharing things, going out at nights for a cup of coffee, roaming
around in the campus just for the fun of it … In short my plan had
worked..The satisfaction I got at that moment is something I know I
will cherish because I knew finally I had achieved what I wanted to
and that was to live life the way I want..To in simple word be happy…

This somehow became a routine to now go for walks, sometime to bring
food for people preparing for street play, sometimes to do work for
some club but I had learned not to feel frustrated about these things
because this negative energy harms you more than they harm the people
because of whom it is present..

I then passed the remaining 10-15 days preparing for the major and I
succeeded in doing good..My results were nice as I somehow managed a
9+ cgpa..

But that is not important , what important for me was that I finally
settled in a new place, a new home..A place where I was so afraid to
come , a place which I hated few months back is a place I would now
not like to leave..A place which somehow made me run to my home now
makes it the other way round because this campus now seems more
inviting..

More semesters will come , but what I learned from this semester I
just did not learnt in my entire life..The idea of sharing , the idea
of living with people, helping them, knowing yourself and people
around you , all I learned in this semester and I proudly feel that I
learned them all by myself..My courage to face problems head-on
finally succeeded and now made me confident then I was ever before in
my life..I can never forget those walks that I took just for being
happy, can never forget the times I spend in CSC to make assignments,
never forget the times when I encouraged myself to get settled here,
never forget the times when I sat with my friends at the neski..I can
in short never forget ….

My first semester at IIT Delhi.. !!!!!!

The VM spirit !!!

2008-12-04T11:51:00.000-08:00

Well from the time i was 5 year old I was a child who panicked a lot , who was so scared of his teachers that he did not go to school so that he will not have to face them..In short i was very panicky kind of a child and my this nature continued with me till i reached my best learning place, my temple, vidyamandir classes..

Well from the day i entered vidyamandir classes i have changed miles and have come far far across from what i was though i still believe that there i a lot more to go ...

Vidyamandir(in short VM) is a place where you rise above small things like competetion, jealousy , dissatisfaction etc etc.. VM teaches you how life can be lived with happiness with simple things like watching trees, watching animals and birds and by just doing the things that you want to do and not what you should do ..

I do not know what made me follow them but i followed by teachers at VM blindly , i never questioned why , how , for what etc but just showed complete faith and the result is in front of me..I am a person who thinks clearly and acts accordingly..

VM was a place where there was a SIMPLE solution to everything , be it a problem like that one of our teacher may not be able to come due to some reason , be it a problem with light , be it a problem with mike , be it our personal problem , you were just shown a simple solution which even you could have thought but of course you did not ..

At VM the most special thing was that you being taught how to compete with yourself, how to realize your mistakes, how to correct them , how to think where you go wrong, how to keep yourself cool ..All in all how to be a person someone will like to be...

And one of the most surprising thing was that if you will follow then you will just go with them, flow with them..You will just have no control, but you will do things unknowingly and happily...

The spirit of togetherness, the spirit of happiness, the spirit of satisfaction, the spirit of love and the spirit of rising above the normal are together in my words the VM spirit ..

The spirit was ignited two and half years back , and is still going strong ...

This post is dedicated to vidyamandir, each and every member of it who gave me a different life ..

Passion !!!

2008-12-01T05:07:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone,

Well i will keep this post shorter than other and will like to share about one thing that each one of us should have and that is passion !!!!

I always feel that when you have some passion about a thing which can be topping your class, excelling in sports, drama , building physique etc etc then only are you able to come up with the best performance within respective activities..I mean passion make you go beyond the limit, think out of the box, work more than your capacity and gives you belief that you never had before !!!

Having experienced this i can be much more confident in what i mean , in 9th class i was so passionate about winning a trophy and i do not know how i managed to do that seemingly impossible task ..I still remember when i got that trophy , it is still one of the most special moment of my life..It was nothing but my passion that made me achieve it ...

In simple words, if you are not passionate about anything , try to build some passion about anything around you and just experience how the world around you change..

Thats all i want to say in this post..

WORTH

2008-10-03T11:02:00.001-07:00

"It tastes like yuck !! " said my friend Shankar as we sat one afternoon in our hostel mess. Well it was nothing new which I heard but I always thought about the mess workers who work day and night just to prepare food for us, just to to clean our plates etc. etc. and we thank these people by our negative comments, frowning faces and by wasting food. Suddenly a crazy thought came to my mind and I thought why not work in the mess for one meal , just one meal , lets stand in their place, see how it feels, see what it takes to do such hard work and still you get literally nothing in return.So I took permission from Warden and he happily agreed.

So the next day , that is sunday , I woke up early , i.e. 6 a.m. and went into mess, to spend 3 hours there, just there . Well to my astonishment the work had already started and the breakfast was being prepared. I went inside the kitched of mess for the first time and believe me it was burning hot inside. It was like standing and facing a blow of hot air on your face.The breakfast menu was bread, butter,milk,tea, aloo parantha and curd. I helped in stuffing the aloo in the parantha and then helped it giving the shape.It must have been only an hour but i felt hellishly tired. I had no capacity to work . I felt touched, i mean these people work day and night like this and still we rather than thanking come we just complain and complain..Then i went to help in washing dishes . What I did was put the plates in sink after throwing of the waste food present on the plates. I did this work for half an hour. Every third plate or so, there were half a parantha not eated, quarter a parantha not eaten etc etc. I seriously felt bad, i mean i helped in stuffing them , i gave my best effort and people just wasted it as if it was something unworthy of being called as food.It was like an icy knife through the heart.After working i sat to ate food. Believe me it was the tastiest food i had ever eaten , maybe because i knew what it takes to make the food or maybe i knew that these people do not just make the food just for the sake of it. After that i takes to some of the mess workers, they all said that even after working for so many years they still feel bad when people leave the food and the feel happy whenever somebody appreciates their work .

These 2-3 hours that i spend in mess were one of the best in my life , I came closer to not only the mess people but also to the other people who work so that we can live happily.I mean the army , the sweepers, the garderners etc etc. Perhaps we donot their value , perhaps we do not know that our life will be paralyes without them ..They do not want a helping hand but what they only want is smiling faces and encouraging words.....

This morning brought me closer to reality..

"THE WORTH OF THING CAN ONLY BE KNOWN WHEN IT IS NOT WITH US !!"

You need to be tough !!!

2008-08-23T12:55:00.000-07:00

Its almost a month now when my new life has started and i have had different experiences in it..With new life i mean my college life..Whom of you who have gone to college must know what i am talking about and whom of you who have not will get what i mean when they will join one..Well college life is different , you meet people with different backgrounds and people with different opinions..You have independence and stuff which you never had..

Well many people say to me that if you are going in college you are bound to go on the wrong track , you are bound to do bad stuff and things like that...Well it has now been a month, though i agree its a long time but still i think its time long enough to get a taste of something...I have made friends..They are people who live in near by rooms of my hostel room and they are people from different cities, different backgrounds, different interests and different way of thinking...Well since this is a growing age most of the students here like to enjoy the liberty and independence like waking up till 3 am - 4 am for no reason...They do things that are definitely nowhere in a decent limits group..And i sadly reflect that most of them fall to thins category..

Most of my friends do not think the way i think , they try to say things like that will irritate me so that i join them in their senseless useless talks, they say things that will make me feel shameful or that will make me feel like a looser so that i join them ,but the only things that helps me to survive mental toughness..I mean if you know you are right and others are wrong its pointless to join them just because they are in majority..I mean i feel that most people do things because the majority is doing it..Why ? Cant the majority be wrong ? All of the people might have got it wrong..If it was not this way then never would the science had progressed....

I would like to finish by saying that the point i am trying to make is that do not just go by the trend..Trend can change in minutes..It is you who can start it..You have the power to start it..What you need is just faith on yourself and belief in your thoughts..Think about the flow of river before jumping in the lake of majority..If it is high i better do not jump..!!~~

Remember that there is always a new beginning , you can always find a new road , may be even a much better road, a smoother road and who knows may be a road which does not have accidents !!!!...Dont just follow..Make others follow you ..

Think about it ..

Thats it !!

The Life within..

2008-07-19T13:29:00.000-07:00

It is a common feeling to feel peaceful to hear the chirruping of birds, to see the greenery , to smell the fresh wet grass and to just touch the nature... Feels serene, feels quiet and peaceful...It is a kind of feeling that can not be expressed in words but a feeling to be felt...

Sometimes it makes me wonder that whenever we are down and out, whenever we feel like there is nothing left if the life for us there is something that brings us back (provided we put in some efforts) to life..I mean that this distress, this restlessness is resolved just like that, weeks you spend thinking about that thing and it is that one positive stroke that you need to just to vanish everything..Pure MAGIC..That positive stroke no doubt comes with effort but it comes from within us..It comes from somewhere we do not know..I mean the ability to feel good, the ability to react positively lies all within us and lies in all of us..No doubts medical science explains it with the function of hormones and chemicals but then they do not explain everything..

Moving on with the topic, the point i am trying to make is that when the anxiety of the world can extinguish just in the time of one flick of a wand then we can say that there is extreme amount of happiness within us..Just like an ocean of water, it is an ocean of happiness..I mean to say perhaps we search for happiness in money, in a foreign country , in a car or things like that but i believe all that happiness lies within us..Just think for it about a moment..How many times have you tried to search that happiness within yourself ? How many times have you tried to even think of what lies within you..? If you want to know where within us is the happiness then i may not able to answer you because i do not know myself..I mean try to go for a walk in a absolutely quiet place with tress and bird and grass and perhaps you might just get a glimpse of it...Just a glimpse !!!

The point i am trying to make is that no doubt we all need money to live but just think for a second that what are we earning for..For our parents, children, to buy a car , to buy a house etc etc ??..No doubts necessities needs to be fulfilled to survive but then if you try to find happiness in these lifeless things perhaps you may end in becoming more dissatisfied and greedy and try to get more of it..This is a vicious circle and this will never end..

If you want to search for happiness, search it in a smile of a baby, in nature(told you before), in helping a poor and perhaps then you (you includes me too !!) will realize that the life is within us and not outside us..The happiness is within us and not outside us..

Thats all i want to say..

Please Note-:

I must say that the main thought is not my own, i have heard about this in spiritual talk but what i am writing is not what i read but what i have felt..This is what i related to with my own understandings and experiences(Though they are very less, i mean i am only 17 !!)..

Life As you take it

2008-07-19T12:21:00.000-07:00

The clouds are pitch dark, the lights are off , its quiet and quiet and quiet...

This peaceful time sometimes make you think about you ,yourself and your life..It is just the same time when i decide to pen down what i have felt in few days back..

I have been a bit negative in last few days, i felt that i made some wrong decisions, i made some mistakes that could have been avoided and that i could have been in a better position all in all..It was then when i was always in bad mood, i used to get angry on small things, behaved rudely and was quiet unhappy with myself too..These are the times when you wake up feeling drowsy,you heart does not lift up when you see the sun shine, you do not feel good to listen to birds, feel happy to see the nature..Nothing feels good.. When you face these things ,i think you start taking everything as negative like the luck and the destiny ..You sometimes blame them for your positions , you say 'Luck did not favor me 'and stuff like that..I was no different..I was all in all going though a low phase of my AC cycle !!!!

Yes, my sir told me that life is an AC (Alternating cycle) wave, there are positive times, there are negative times and there are peaks of both of them..I believe this is life in a nut shell..Extending this thought , it leads to a nice old thing , there is day after night, there is light after darkness etc etc.....

Though it sound very simple but i think like everyone i did not take these negative thoughts in a good manner..I mean i did not for even a second thought like what has happened has happened and why not try to change what happened..Perhaps I was free and did not have anything else to do so i went into these thoughts (See i am still making an excuse)..I think going into these negative thoughts is easy , convincing yourself that nothing is good is even easier , believing your life is a waste, nothing can happen good to you are the thoughts that you accept readily..

During this phase one night came just like one did now when i though in the same quietness about what do i want ?? I wrote down everything on the paper, then wrote what can i do for it , what am i doing now and then there was a smile on my face..I mean it was really feeling foolish to have thought like that, to have acted that way and to have wasted time in doing nothing..NOTHING..

This is what i wanted to say in this post..Sometimes when you feel you are helpless or you are in anxious situations just write it on a piece of paper..Yes at that moment just write what you want and what you can do for it...Like every problem has a solution ,this problem will also have one..Its just about keeping things simple and perhaps understanding the simple fact - Life is how you take it !!! It might be a pleasure to live in a average hotel for a poor man but a waste to live in a good hotel for a millionaire..

Take life as you want and it will turn out to be the way you wish it to be....